After being married for eighteen years, I believed that I had a complete understanding of love and loyalty. That is, until my husband entered the room with a girl who was half my age clinging to his arm. He stated, “She is nothing more than a friend.” The answer was, “Only for a few days,” but I knew that was not the case.
An eighteen-year marriage is more than just a love affair. At midnight, it is time to do the wash. In situations where you want to scream, it’s like biting your tongue.
As a result of being too exhausted to confront the issue at hand, you may find yourself sleeping consecutive nights on occasion.
It’s possible to date someone for a year and yet feel as though you know them. You mean eighteen? Indeed, that is your entire life.
That is the act of selecting the same individual over and over again, despite the fact that you may have lost your job, experienced slammed doors, or heard your child weeping in the next room.
When I was in college, I met Ben. When I was younger, I was the girl who kept to herself and used to write down things that I was too afraid to utter out loud.
In the margins of my notebook, I have poems written.
You, Ben? It was quite noisy. The room was completely occupied by him. I am laughing excessively. Ever surrounded by others.
In no way did he ever need to beg for attention. It came to him like air finding its way into the lungs.
The first serious girlfriend he ever had was me.
Although he was not the first person to kiss me, he was the first person to really look at me as if I were important. It seemed as though I was more than just meek.
My fall was hard. It is the kind of love that makes you fantasize about sitting in rocking chairs on a porch before you have even completed your education.
The age that I am now is forty. My body is experiencing a change.
As well as my heart. As I glance in the mirror, I notice that I have creases that I do not recall having earned.
When I’m in the grocery store, I see that there are women who are young and have a perfect appearance looking at Ben. Here at the bank. It is the gas station.
They are not familiar with the experience of heartbreak. They have no idea how difficult it is to remain stable.
And I am curious about how one can compete with young people when the only thing they have left is their loyalty.
However, I was able to shake those ideas aside. Continued to fold the clothing. Cooked the rice in a pot.
Up until the moment when the door unlocked.
I was cleaning the living room with a vacuum.
I am currently wearing my old sweatshirt, which has a stain from tomato soup near the bottom of the hem.
I had my hair tied back, it was a disaster, and I hadn’t even brushed it.
The door opened with a click, but I didn’t give it much thought at the time.
After that, I came across him.
It’s Ben. who was following him from behind.
She had a tender age. It is impossible that they were older than nineteen.
Having long dark hair. Strong eyes. With a broad grin.
The way she clung to Ben’s arm was as if she had always been there. As if it were nothing out of the ordinary.
My stomach fell as my heart began to plunge.
It seemed to him that everything was going to be OK. In the same way, this was not at all unusual.
“It is Carly,” he introduced her as.
“At work, she is a kind and reliable buddy. She is going through a difficult time right now. I told her that she could spend a few days with us if she wanted!”
A couple of days?
I fixed my gaze first on her, and then on him.
I wanted to say that I do not agree at all. It was my desire to yell. On the other hand, I did not.
I gave a slight nod.
Due to the fact that I did not want a scene, I nodded.
The reason being that she was present.
Due to the fact that a portion of me continued to harbor the hope that he was being truthful.
On the other hand, something said this to me deep within my chest: This is not just a few days. The opposite is true.
On that particular evening, after Carly had gone to bed, I sat in the living room seated opposite Ben.
The television was turned on, but neither of us was actually watching it.
As I folded the laundry, I let the gentle thump of the garments on my lap to completely fill the void that existed between us.
Not once did I look up. Simply put, I asked it directly.
“And so… Carly. You have never brought her up in the past right?
There was a movement in Ben’s chair.
I caught a glimpse of it out of the corner of my eye: the way he ran his fingers through his hair, as he often did when he was concerned about anything.
He answered, “She is a newcomer.”
One of the interns at work. After she reached eighteen, her mother kicked her out of the house. I have nowhere to go. It would be irresponsible of me to abandon her, Jess.
On my knee, I pushed a shirt to make it flat.
“I understand,” I answered in a quiet voice.
“But… she’s going to be staying for the weekend? ”
“That’s all,” he said in a hurried manner. “All it’s for the weekend.”
A firm nod was given by me. It’s fine.
However, I did not share his belief. No, not really.
Next morning, the aroma of pancakes was what roused me from my sleep.
The flavor is buttery and sweet, with a touch of cinnamon.
I walked down the hallway in my robe, wiping my eyes to clear them of sleep, and I came to a complete halt at the door leading to the kitchen.
While wearing my apron, Carly stood at the stove and skillfully flipped pancakes as if she had done it a hundred times before. Also, Ben… Ben was standing next to her.
With a smile. I’m jokes. Providing assistance to her in stirring the batter.
It appeared as though they were a pair from a cookery program.
By chance, she accidentally bumped his hand, and he laughed at her. She chuckled to herself as she brushed her hair behind her ear.
Good morning to you! The two of them said this when they became aware of me.
In order to respond, my mouth was too dry. I sat down at the table and feigned a grin before I did so.
As Ben brought her a plate, his hand lightly touched her shoulder as he did so. He did this with such gentle care. The woman did not flinch.
My gut was in a knot.
But Ben never assisted me in preparing breakfast.
The previous year, not even once. Every time, he was too exhausted. Far too busy.
But what about today? This day, he was brimming with vitality.
As for me, I remained silent.
Not at this time.
That evening, I informed Ben that I would go to the store and pick up a few things.
Honestly, all I wanted was to get away. There was a brief pause. Just a tiny bit of room.
Something that did not have a scent like pancakes and did not have a feeling of betrayal.
Although I was driving slowly, I allowed the hum of the road to quiet my mind. While walking through the aisles, I did not really see anything.
A loaf of bread and some apples were thrown into the shopping basket, but I was not present to perform the grocery shopping.
I had been hiding.
Upon my arrival, I found that the house was unusually silent. No television, and no music. It is silent. Nothing except silence. a sort that causes your skin to crawl and itch.
While I listened, I placed the bags on the counter and listened.
At that moment, I heard it – a gentle and broken sound. A sound that is similar to that of a bird with its wings bent.
Crying out loud.
It was the sound that led me down the hallway. The door to the restroom was not completely shut. In the distance, there was a faint buzzing sound.
This was a gentle shove.
Yes, she was there.
While hunching her shoulders and burying her face with her hands, Carly sat on the edge of the bathtub. The entire body of her shook.
What about Carly? I spoke in a low voice.
It caused her to flinch. looked up in a hurry. Her cheeks were damp, and her eyes were red.
“What is the matter? ”
Using the sleeve of her hoodie, she wiped her face with the fabric.
She hushed, “I… I can’t say,” as she hushed.
“What’s the matter? ”
She was fixated on the tile below her.
The sound of her voice cracking as she spoke was reminiscent of something breaking apart. “He told me not to,” she continued.
My heart slammed shut with force.
He warned her not to do it.
My hands were balled up into fists as I stood there, still watching.
A certain event was taking place.
And it wasn’t a small device.
I re-entered the corridor, which was now much chillier than it had been before.
It was not a trivial matter.
It was something like this.
Not only that, but I was determined to find out what it was.
Ben arrived to his house late. He opened the door with a slow and meticulous creaking sound, as if he had already known that I would be waiting.
It was me.
I was sitting at the kitchen table, my hands encircling a mug of tea that had become ice cold.
Up above the stove was the only source of illumination. It created a shadowy atmosphere in the room.
Carly was located in the upper floor. Despite the fact that the entire house was silent, my chest was not.
Once Ben entered the kitchen, he was immediately taken aback when he saw my expression.
“What is the matter? he inquired, his tone still subdued.
No hesitation on my part.
It was me who stated, “I want the truth.” It is right now.
The mouth of the man opened. The beginning of yet another justification was visible on his lips, and I could see it. One another deceptive falsehood.
Then again, I put up my hand.
“No more tales, please. Not any more polite responses. If you don’t take the time to tell me everything, I’ll just pack my bags and leave. This evening. What’s more, you won’t ever see me again.”
I could tell that he was looking for the version of me that was able to forgive swiftly because he was staring at me. On the other hand, she had vanished.
Then, he retrieved a chair and sat down in it. He was shaking his hands. Inconsistently, he passed breath.
Finally, he added, “I was going to tell you,” and he meant it. The phrase “I just didn’t know how”
“Tell me what you think.”
After that, he stroked his forehead, and then his jaw.
However, Carly is not a coworker. “She is not a friend of mine.”
I tried not to blink. All I did was wait.
This is my kid, she is.
I cocked my head to the side, as if I hadn’t heard him correctly.
“What is it? ”
Benjamin gave a slow nod. His eyes appeared to be watery.
“There was a girl,” she said, “before I met you.” Not that we were serious. However, she became pregnant. I was overcome with fear. I informed her that I was unable to deal with it. “I was much too young.”
It was his hands that he gazed down at.
“The infant was brought up by her alone. After that, I did not speak to her again. Not a single time. That aspect of my life seems to have been buried, I thought. Until Carly decided to show up. She was rejected by her mother. As a result, she had no other options. She was able to locate me.
He raised his head and then glanced at my face.
He stated, “I ought to have informed you.” It’s only that I didn’t want to throw you away.
I remained silent while I sat there. Not in a rage. I am not crying.
Empty and empty.
After that, I rose up, walked by him without uttering a single word, and approached the staircase.
For the room of Carly.
At that moment, Carly was resting on her back and staring at the ceiling as if it had answers that she was unable to access.
When she was crying so hard and trying not to make a sound, her eyes became red and puffy. This was the kind of swelling that can only be caused by crying so hard.
There was a slight knock. May I please come in? ”
She quickly sat up and began washing her face with both of her hands. It is true.
Taking my time, I made my way inside and sat down next to her.
As I sat down, the bed made a creaking sound. While I was looking at her, I folded my hands in my lap and looked at her in a very serious manner.
This girl who, in a short period of time, completely rearranged the course of my life.
“At this point, I am completely aware of everything,” I stated.
She flinched, as if the truth’s pain had not yet subsided.
When she turned her gaze away, her shoulders sagged.
It was a hushed “I’m sorry,” she said. “I apologize for putting you and your husband in conflict with each other.”
I extended my hand and took her hand in a gentle manner. The feeling was icy and gentle, as if she was still uncertain that I wouldn’t withdraw away from her.
I responded by saying, “You did not.”
“You’re not the problem. He has a daughter named you. With that, you are now considered a member of this family.
Those lips of hers shook. The phrase “I thought you hated me”
I gave a slight shake of my head.
It is not. When I was afraid. Those are not the same things.
One tear fell down her cheek as she looked at me.
She spoke with a scarcely audible voice, “I’ve never had a real family before,” she was saying.
A hug was what I dragged her into.
Her body pushed into mine like she hadn’t been embraced in years. In the sense that she required it more than words.
It was then that I whispered into her hair, “You do now.” You are now at home.
